m-TequilaSunrise...

yea... wtf...

now we're playing 'you's rite? ok...

you... i've told u from the beginning there's an outage and i'll be freaking busy. just because i cant complete one fucking misunderstanding msg in msn. u wanna blast at me? and why u blast at me? just because everyone else is making your day a living hell. u mang zhang. what about me? im not? u wanna know so fucking much rite? i was saying its time to put a fucking song in ur blog bcos it's just putting a song playing at its background. and why ni ne me ai ta? it is just plainly because you fucking like that song la. now that you know. happy now? puas tak? i did not ask u to fucking read my fucking mind, but perhaps can understand that im actually busy working?

and you! you fucking hypocrite. ur fucking mouth says that u fucking care about your braders feelings especially me like your own bloody sibling. but ur action doesnt say so. dun fucking act like u care in front of them. u just wanna show that u r a good person behind ur freaking mask.

and both of you. you dont have to pm me to congrats me whereby both of u are the one who told me that u guys will be on my side. when shit happens, where the fuck r u guys? of all people who congrats me, i dont need your particular group's wishes. i dont need hypocrite's wishes.

and you! you dont fucking understand what im trying to say is it? last time u said. i can go out, but just at night i have to go home. now im home everynight, u say i go out never inform. when i did inform your mother, u got say anything or not? just because your mother is in the shower and i cant inform her, u blasted at me? repeat and repeat again and again rite? what about u? cannot come home when im not home? when im home, your mother ask me about you. always say me me me. what about you??

and you! im not the only fucking person who smokes in the whole fucking family ok? your other granddaughter of yours oso smoke. one shot 2 packs in her bag. you saw it. what did u say? no la, her bf's one. den me? even one fucking lighter u'll make the whole house tear down screaming and yelling at me for smoking. ya. u said girls smoking looks like sucking cock. do you wanna see me sucking cock in front of you or not?! which is worst? sucking the real cock in front of you? or smoking in front of you? u think i dont know? u used to smoke too when u r young ok?!!!

u're saying im difficult eh? one more thing i hear from you... i'll jot every single thing here...

i'll show u what's difficult here...

thats what i heard when my dear superior did not hang up the phone properly.

i dont know she's refering to the cases, or refering to me, or whatever.

how would i know what the hell is happening when i only have 2 bloody months on the freaking floor?

bargh~!

i cried in the office. 2 days in a row. great. how embarrassing...

I heard the retrenchment notice is out...

Who got unlucky?
I really don't know

But I really thank you guys on the guidance that you all have provided all these months...

having a place of my own and start scrapbooking and cardmaking again... sighs...

gone. all gone. my sweat and blood making cards stored in a big file... gone.

i really miss cardmaking la. but no place. my hse is full of junk.

right... i get it.

for the fact that waking up late means doing things lots lesser cos u sleep through your time already. so that leads to u being useless...

useless, what a good word eh?

i just woke up at about 3pm, and i rang a friend see if she had any plans and see if she need help on her power point like she asked me to few days ago...

friend : hey... u just woke up?
me : yeah... so whats ur plan?
friend : yer... useless la u... im doing the report now, yada yada yada yada yada...
me : oh. ok. den let me know when u're done la.
friend : wei? u angry ah?

in fact, i do know she is kidding... she is. like we always do. but isnt 'useless' is kinda too strong?

i noticed i've changed.

i used to be a person who discuss things. explain things in detail. make them understand something clearly.

but now...

i refuse to explain things anymore.

why explain when people would think that i'm just giving excuse? just sit n watch me. dont expect me to explain things anymore.

and when people just shoot things at me. i feel hurt. don't u understand me well enough that it was the past? do i need to explain more on why is it like that and now is different? do u even have brains to think that i am actually a human with mistakes from the past too? even if i explain, would u think that it's just an excuse?

so now... would u still want me to explain things and make myself like a helpless bitch who only keeps giving excuses? or would u rather keep me this way and keep watching me change? if so... explain to me why...

now, i rather keep things to myself. even it exceeds my own bloody limit. i'll definitely find my way to get rid of things other than slitting my thighs.

one of my biggest regrets is quittng my old company. other than quitting, my performance sucks. tho my team leader told me that my warp up time is good and he like the way i handle over the phone. but my attendance sucks. yes. i'm always MC.

never once late for work. just that once there's this stupid huge traffic jam that i got stuck at batu tiga toll for nearly an hour. really stupid unreasonable jam. and few minutes late after the 10 minutes late which we are entitled twice other than 1hr meal breaks.

after i resign, all my work experience sucks. cos, i regretted. until the recent 2 companies, i tried my best to perform. but they just step over their employee's head.

now, i finally got the chance to go for interview with them. part of me, i'm really excited. another part of me, scared. scared of being rejected. sighs...

i just got back home from drinks with HTL.

and i dont know why, i feel like doing stupid stunts again. which i havent been doing for a long long time now till the scars is already fading. now i feel like adding new scars.

ish... stop thinking. stop!!!

had a long chat with HTL last night. main topic is, i need to change.

sighs...

i know the fact that i need to change but somehow it draws me back to my old self. gosh... why is it so hard to fucking change myself?

i'm lazy. my main main main weakness.

i complain a lot. at the beginning of every job, i'll say it good, its dem blardee good. 2 months later, i'll start complaining till i have no interest at all to continue working.

and just like today, i wanted to get up early, go out and have breakfast while looking into newspapers for vacancy.

at the end...

i woke up at 2pm.

oh well... am goin out soon. goin to HTL's place to watch the opening in beijing.