m-TequilaSunrise...

TJL is in the US for about a month now. Didn’t get to see him before he left and I feel a little guilty for that. And he’s about to discuss with his mother’s lawyer regarding getting the PR there.

Let’s talk about him today.

He was my ex. Whom I didn’t put any effort in. Tho he said I did. But I don’t think so. Cos if I did, things would have work out rite? Or I’m just too lesbian. I’m sorry.

But surprisingly. He’s not like any guy I know. Tho we broke up in a very bad way. (I’ll tell the story later.) He still treats me well and he still cares. A lot, and just a phone call away. And the fact that how deep I’ve hurt him apparently involved his friends and family into hating me. Yeap… I’m a bitch.

I know him since Form 3. This was the 1st time I hurt him.

We met through mIRC and chatted. And at that time, I’m actually dating a bastard who is 6 yrs older than me. But I lied. I said I was single. Hey… cyber world ma.

I remember I refuse to meet him. I have never met him but that year, he sent a dozen of roses to my door step on Valentines Day. And that is when I told him, I’m actually not available. He was upset till his asthma attacks. Critical condition. I didn’t know until few yrs back, he told me.

That was the 1st strike.

The 2nd strike. When I was 18, I tried to be with him. At that time, I have already involved in my very 1st lesbian relationship with a fucker who steals money and caused me losing my job. Fucker CYPY. After I broke up with her, I sobbed to TJL. It’s probably I was so vulnerable and felt protected by him. So, I decided to be with him. But being with a male, is not the same being with a female. And I miss being with a female. So, I start hunting for girls for relationship, while I was still with him.

So the hunt was over, I found someone else. And I left him. At first, he took it quite ok. But not until I went over his place to collect back my things. Few friends sent me there. And also my then gf, SC. When we reached to his place, I told her to wait in the car while I’ll go talk to him and take my things in a proper manner. But she insisted. She wanted to follow and promised to be good. So, I allow her to accompany me to walk to his house and collect it.

While walking towards back to the car, I heard loud slam on the door, loud scream, loud bangings… I got worried. But I didn’t not turn back cos I got frightened as well.

Then, his grudge, anger, frustrations, hatred… all piled up in him. And he rant it out in his blog. And I read it all. I did not contact him. Just get his latest news through his blog. At the same time, one of his friend, purposely printed his blog entry out, place it in an envelope and put it in my mail box. That post, is the post I have read before. And it is probably because his friend thinks that I don’t even bother to read his blog anymore that’s why he/she leave it in my mailbox. Adding few lines by him/herself saying something like :-

Cant u see how much he loves you?

1 or 2 yrs pass by again. And I took the courage to call him.

I asked him why was he so mad on the day I took back my thing. He told me that he saw the look on SC’s face. She look so fucking proud for snatching me away from him. If she’s not a girl, he would have whack the heck out of her already. I didn’t realize that she did this to him that caused him ending up like that.

But I’m glad what he have become now. Although what he did was in order to fulfill his mother’s wish, but yeah… he made it. Completed his law. Waiting for his CLP results and now in the US trying to get PR to stay there.

Up till now, he is indeed a friend that I can turn to. The only friend I can turn to. A friend I can turn to more than I can turn to TSL or anyone else.

We could talk about anything and everything. We could talk from 11pm till 4am. I guess we’re better as friends more than being a couple.

When he was about to leave to US, he did call TSL to have a chat with her. TSL called me after that and told me to persuade him not to leave to US for good. Why me? I mean, he has his freedom. I am in no position to ask him to stay. Even if I do, for God’s sake, things are so much better in the US than being here in Msia. Of cos I’ll support him if he really wants to stay there.

One thing I learnt from this experience and from him is that, Appreciation and care of others feelings.

TSL always ask me, did I ever think of going back with him? No, never thought of that. Tho I did think of what if I did put effort in when we’re together, but if saying getting back together now… No.

I’m happy with what I am now and with who I’m with. I’m happy with my beh.

XOXO