m-TequilaSunrise...

Today I seriously felt shitty the whole day. Shucks…

For the first time, I felt that I am not capable of doing this job. I suck at it. They put it as though it’s so simple but why do I think it’s difficult. Come to think about it, it is not difficult, but why am I damn fucking slow?

I am not only assigned to backend job, I am assigned for piling reports, stationeries, and some admin job. Sighs…

That is for my job…

For health… I’m thinking I might have thyroid. And my face is always numb. And… if I ever get stroke, please doctor, just kill me, ok?

For relationship… I seriously cannot take it anymore. And the funny part is, why have to get someone else to call me and let me know what she herself wanna tell me.

In a relationship, I hate to involve others. If u’re looking for advice on what to do, it’s fine. Sometimes it takes another pair of eyes to see things clearer. But if u’re looking for people to pass messages like this? I don’t think it’s appropriate and it’ll probably trouble others. And it’s not even u telling it to me by yourself, you think I’ll even be touched?

Then, another phone call. Asking for her room mate’s number. Which I don’t have. How could I possibly have it when I’m actually always in shadows? Then, her friend told me that she received a call from her and her voice sounds like she’s drunk. So her friend was worried. To calm her friend down, I told her there’s someone at home, her housemate, and told her not to worry. The housemate is the one who called me and tell me all those things. So her friend asked me, if I’m ok and what happened. I did have the urge to spill everything out. But I kept it to me.

If u rather have someone telling me things on your behalf. Keep it that way. You don’t have to call me anymore or msg me in msn.

I’m always being asked. What do I learn from all the relationships…

CY – don’t ever be so stupid to be a thief thinking by doing this will make her change
SC – don’t be with a big talker / bullshitter / and keeps calling u 24/7 even when u’re working
SK – don’t pay for education. End up not working. Now I know how parents felt after paying so much money but don’t wanna go work after graduated.
CW – don’t pay for credit card bills. At the end they’ll still say u’re selfish.
HT – always consider what are the circumstances behind one’s background.

What I want out of a rship?
Just simple things, as simple as… just… Love and Security and Trust…

Is it so hard?