m-TequilaSunrise...

i wanted to write a long entry in my old previous blog before i
totally cut off myself from the society. yes. am becoming an anti
social. a long entry about how we started and how it ended... at
the end... i didnt complete it, i didnt post it up.

to be honest, up to this date, i still feel the hatred i have
towards her. funny isnt it? i am the one who dumped her, but i am
the one who is feeling such hatred n such anger towards her.

few days back, i was confused. on whether is it that i still
actually love her? or i just feel that i have wasted whole 2 yrs
on her and wat i got it's just a cold door slammed behind me.

being confused, i almost risked my potential love of my life. i
told her that i couldnt do this anymore. things are going too
fast. and while holding her hand, i'm still thinking of my ex. i
just dont feel right...

then... we cool down for good 2 days.

she struck me by a question after that 2 days.

what kind of feelings im having towards my ex? am i still loving
her?

at that point i started thinking. that 2 whole day, who have i
been missing? and at that point, who do i wanna have to be by my
side? and... who is my ex? does she matter to me?

my ex is nothing. just that i feel not being appreciated. but one
thing i do learn from my ex. do not expect everything to go my
way. and yeah... i shouldnt be expecting her to treat me nice
after i have dumped her. what the hell was i thinking?

after i explained to her, she told me that...

everyone deserves a memory, no matter good or bad. learn from the
previous mistakes and apply it on the current one. just like she
is, applying it on me. it is alright to keep this as a memory and
sooner or later, i will only realise it that it was just a scar
and it wont cause any pain anymore.

thank you beh. your words meant so much to me that day and it
made me realised so much.

and as i was saying about the long blog entry that i decided not
to post it up...

i was actually typing half way in the notepad while surfing and
chatting with beh... and i came across her profile saying that
she's actually in a relationship.

i stopped typing. and i was relieved. she moved on. and to my
surprise... in just 2 weeks. i broke the news to beh and out of
nowhere she asked me if i need to walk out and have a smoke. the
hell with smoke la. i'm so relieved i can even open up a bottle
of champagne to celebrate!

funny it seems, people can change so fast. today they said how
much they love you, and i love you forever, and i wanna spend the
rest of my life with you... yada yada yada... and poof! 2 weeks
later, they're with someone else.

so now... who said that people dont change overnite? i think i
better change my bad behaviours... eg:- lazy and forgetful.
sighs...